I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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