With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
