So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
please come you make the beer taste better
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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