i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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