He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
