As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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