theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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