We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
