she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
