new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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