On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
