dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
