Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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