I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
