Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
