sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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