Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
