I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I skipped work to stalk him.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
