im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We talked him into tasing himself.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
