I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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