the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
