he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
