You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I am full of burrito and curiosity
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
