I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she peed on how many people?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
