just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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