we're chasing vodka with high fives
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
