$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
