I'm gonna have a badass scar
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Also, beer. Big fan.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
