I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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