I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
