I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
