I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
