sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
