She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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