Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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