One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
