If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
How does it feel to date your dad?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
