I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
