Someone shit on the floor
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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