My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
