Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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