how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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