4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
