I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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