I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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