When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
how does that bad decision feel?
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