i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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