I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
