At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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