Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
