apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
operation have a gay friend backfired
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
