I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
