:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
