he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
