Me. At least after what I've been through.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
