the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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